【QUOTES DIRECTORY】 【QUOTES DIRECTORY】

【TOP 50】W. C. Fields Quotes - WhatsApp Status | Page-1

Are you looking for W. C. Fields quotes? If Yes, then you have reached at right place because this page has a collection of popular W. C. Fields quotes which are updated in 2024. Following are the list of some top W. C. Fields quotes, You can copy and paste below quotes and share with your friend and family on whatsapp, facebook, twitter.

Page 1 of 2, Showing 50 of 89 Records

«
1
2
»
›

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

American Comedian Funny Quote of the Day

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. - W. C. Fields Quotes

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

American Comedian Funny

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

American Comedian Funny

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

American Comedian Funny

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months. - W. C. Fields Quotes

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming. - W. C. Fields Quotes

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

Alcohol And Alcoholism Habit

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Abstinence Food

I hear the tusks are looser in Alabama. - W. C. Fields Quotes

I hear the tusks are looser in Alabama.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. - W. C. Fields Quotes

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

American Comedian Funny

Either you're drunk or your braces are lopsided. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Either you're drunk or your braces are lopsided.

After two days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse. - W. C. Fields Quotes

After two days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree. - W. C. Fields Quotes

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

American Comedian Funny Quote of the Day

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink it. - W. C. Fields Quotes

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink it.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

American Comedian Funny

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days. - W. C. Fields Quotes

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. - W. C. Fields Quotes

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

Cities And City Life Life Philadelphia

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

American Comedian Funny

On the whole I would rather be in Philadelphia. - W. C. Fields Quotes

On the whole I would rather be in Philadelphia.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

American Comedian Funny

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. - W. C. Fields Quotes

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

American Comedian Funny

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. - W. C. Fields Quotes

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

American Comedian Funny Quote of the Day

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his buttons. - W. C. Fields Quotes

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his buttons.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

Life Quote of the Day

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. - W. C. Fields Quotes

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. - W. C. Fields Quotes

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

American Comedian Funny

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - W. C. Fields Quotes

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter.

Children should neither be seen or heard from -- ever again. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Children should neither be seen or heard from -- ever again.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

Africa American Comedian Funny

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes. - W. C. Fields Quotes

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

Alcohol And Alcoholism

I like children - fried. - W. C. Fields Quotes

I like children - fried.

American Comedian Children Funny

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

American Comedian Betting Funny

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

American Comedian Funny

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. - W. C. Fields Quotes

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

Alcohol And Alcoholism

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon -- and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter. - W. C. Fields Quotes

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon -- and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

American Comedian Funny

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting? - W. C. Fields Quotes

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

American Comedian Funny

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

American Comedian Funny

Stop following me, are you following me? That'll get you twelve years at Leavenworth, or eleven years at twelveworth, or five and ten at Woolworth's. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Stop following me, are you following me? That'll get you twelve years at Leavenworth, or eleven years at twelveworth, or five and ten at Woolworth's.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

American Comedian Funny

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind. - W. C. Fields Quotes

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

American Comedian Funny

Once . . . in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Once . . . in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.

Cross my heart and hope to eat my weight in goslings. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Cross my heart and hope to eat my weight in goslings.

Heart

Never give a sucker an even break. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Never give a sucker an even break.

English 20th Century Proverbs

No one likes a fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men. - W. C. Fields Quotes

No one likes a fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

American Comedian Funny

Somebody left the cork out of my lunch. - W. C. Fields Quotes

Somebody left the cork out of my lunch.

Alcohol And Alcoholism

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. - W. C. Fields Quotes

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

American Comedian Funny

The wise and intelligent are coming belatedly to realize that alcohol, and not the dog, is man's best friend. Rover is taking a beating -- and he should. - W. C. Fields Quotes

The wise and intelligent are coming belatedly to realize that alcohol, and not the dog, is man's best friend. Rover is taking a beating -- and he should.

Alcohol And Alcoholism

Page 1 of 2, Showing 50 of 89 Records

«
1
2
»
›

Quotes By Popular Topics

View All Topics (A - Z)

Like Our Facebook Page

Motivational, Inspirational, Funny Quotes